An apology

[prairiedaun]

I want to say "I'm sorry" to all of my real life and LJ friends. I'm sorry if I'm a little short with people now, and if I can't spend a lot of time with any of you- I'm incredibly stressed with school right now, and other things are starting to come up because of this stress. I had a bit of an episode last night it started because I realized I'm beginning to forget what my dad looked like, and I'm so scared. I'm so scared I'm going to forget him; I mean, I know I won't forget he was there, but that I used to put my head on his chest and listen to his heart beat. He let me braid his hair when he was growing it out, and let me cut it when it was too long. How the only time I ever saw him really cry was when my cousin Jen died, and I went and got him a tissue and when I came back he hugged me so hard it almost hurt.How when we'd be reading on the couch he'd let me lay down and he'd put my feet on his lap.How one time when he came back from working up north and I was really little, he put his parka on me, and it was dragging along the floor, and we did up all of the straps and buttons and he let me sit in it (getting over-heated, I might add) and I didn't care because he was home and that was enough for me. How when I told him I wanted to learn Russian, he said go for it, but when I said I wanted to go into the RCMP he put his foot down. How when I got interested in dinosaurs he got me a subscription to a Dinosaur magazine, and when I went to riding camp, he came on the last day to watch me.

But I'm having trouble remembering his face, and this scares me.

If I could get decent sleep, I think a lot of this would be better.

I'm going to list what I have to do, just so I don't forget:

World Prehistory term test:today
Varieties of English creative writing assignment: tomorrow
Greek & Latin... assigned questions: March 8
Etymology Spelling Standardization presentation: March 11
Greek & Latin composition: due March 15
Varieties analysis paper: March 19
Archtypal Symbols Mother Goddess presentation: March 19
Greek & Latin Group assignment paragraph (or poem) with no GorL: March 22
Etymology essay (on pirate words): March 23
Greek & Latin Greek question: March 24
Prehistory term test: March 25
Greek & Latin Group scavenger hunt: March 29
Varieties term test: April 2
Archetypal Symbols term paper: April 2

I'm f*cked.

Comments

[http://users.livejournal.com/_jibberish_/]

*hug* you're making me misty-eyed! I've gone through the same thing with Nana and my other grandparents. I know it's obviously not the same since a parent must hurt a hundred times more -- I can't even imagine -- but I understand that total heartache that goes along with losing somebody. If you need anything, you know where I am. You will get through this and your dad would be so proud of you! *more hugs* Now, go get some sleep and relax.

I agree with jibberish...

[pyroclasticgrub.livejournal.com]

You're probably just really tired, more so than the rest of us...I don't think you could ever forget your dad's face. Just as long as you remember all those little events and incidents that meant so much to both of you, I don't think he'll ever fade away from memory. It'll come back, trust me. I also went through (and am still going through) the same thing with Papa.

And, I'm f*cked right along with you...I haven't even cracked open the world prehistory text yet to study for today's test.

Just think, only three weeks left.